From "The Sort of Old Archives": The Alternate Origin of the Term "Bah Humbug"

My family has always been very supportive of my writing. They're willing to read it, proof-read it, critique it, and enjoy it even if it's not the best. They've also had their favorites of my writing, and, in my fiction, they've had their favorite characters. Probably their favorite of all (and probably mine too) is my character, Zack Hiller. I wrote one story about a man who lived in a unique house with his kitten, and it turned into many stories about him and his adventures and mishaps. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The first was entitled, The Alternate Origin of the Term "Bah humbug", and here it is, straight out of "The Sort of Old Archives": which, in this case, is 2009.

The Alternate Origin of the Term "Bah humbug"

a sort of fairy tale by Katy Allie

Most everyone knows that the term "Bah humbug" was first used in Charles Dickens' The Christmas Carol; it was a grouchy expression used by the book's main character, Scrooge. Here I have an alternate origin for this strange term.
Once upon a time, there lived a man named Zack Hiller; people said his last name was Hiller because he lived on a sort of a hill--but it was more like a very small mountain, for the hill was small, but very pointed on the top, which was why Zack's house had to be built elsewhere on the hill--which brings me to why everyone thought Zack was a little off his rocker. For Zack's house was partway down--or part way up--whichever you prefer--the hill, and because it was, after all, a hill, the house was on a slant, and so it was built at an angle. When you opened up Zack's door on your way out, you would find yourself maybe a bit closer to the ground than was normal. If you were to open Zack's front door to go into the house, you would come in, and, as you looked towards the back of the house, you would see that very gradually the house's floor sloped upwards. Such was Zack's house.
"Zack's house is at an angle; that's why his brain is at an angle," people would say to each other, and laugh, or shake their heads in pity for the man.
It never occured to any of these people that perhaps it was the other way around--that perhaps Zack had built his house at an angle, because his brain was already at an angle. Whichever way it was, Zack was a bit eccentric, and people didn't visit him much because of this, which couldn't help his strangeness. He was also very bitter most of the time--"That Zack Hiller, he is such a grouch," people would say, and they wouldn't visit him for months, years even, in some cases--and so more and more bitter Zack became; his only joy was his little kitten, Minstrel.
"Come along, Minstrel," Zack would say to his kitten, although he didn't need to--the kitten followed him wherever he went.
Into town the two walked, and through the fields. Over known roads and barely-known roads they would walk slowly, enjoying the outdoors and especially one another's company. Minstrel would get tired if they walked for too long, and Zack would pick him up and put the kitten gently into his jacket pocket.
Well, one day the two came home from a trip into town, worn out and ready for a drink of water. Zack set Minstrel on his kitchen counter, and set a heavy box behind the kitten, so that Minstrel wouldn't slide backwards, down the sloped surface. Looking around, Zack realized that he had to go outside to get Minstrel's water bowl.
"I'll be right back, Minstrel," Zack promised his kitten, patting him on the head.
The kitten purred loudly and watched Zack leave the house, rumbling the whole time. Zack went to the side of his house, spotted the water bowl just where he thought it would be, and picked it up. Going back around to the front of his house, he went up the front steps, and then heard a strange sound which made him hesitate.
"Hmmmmmmmm-bzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Then he realized what it was. It was an insect caught between the screen door and the wooden door. Now, Zack didn't know that, (1) insects and bugs are not the same thing, and, (2) he didn't know what the difference was, either.
"Bah...humbug!" he said angrily, annoyed at the insistent humming and buzzing, but prepared to just ignore the insect.
"Hmmmmmmmm-bzzzzzzzzzzz..."
Zack opened the screen door and tried to shoo the insect (it was a beetle, in case you're curious) out from between the doors.
"Out you go, you stupid humbug," Zack said, not realizing he had just invented a new name.
"Hmmmmmmmm-bzzzzzzzzzzz...." the humbug insisted.
"Out! Out! Out, you stupid humbug, out!" Zack cried angrily.
Inside the house he heard Minstrel crying loudly.
"I'll be right in, Minstrel!" he called.
The mewing stopped.
"Hmmmmmmmm-bzzzzzzzzzzz..." the humbug started in again.
It was still caught in between the doors.
"Mr. Hiller?"
Zack turned to see Mr. James standing there, watching him with an exceedingly amused expression. Mr. James, one of Zack's neighbors, was trying to keep from laughing.
"Ha ha..." Zack said, faking a laugh.
"Humbug?" Mr. James said, nearly bursting into laughter.
"Yes, I guess so..." Zack said, looking at the ground, and realizing the full extent of what he had done.
"Ha, ha, haw, haw, ha, ha, ha!" Mr. James began to laugh hysterically. "You're a riot, Zack! You're really something else!"
Mr. James continued to laugh as he turned and went down the hill.
"Hmmmmmmmmm-bzzzzzzzzzzzz..." the humbug said.
"Don't you start up again!" Zack yelled.
The humbug flew out from between the doors and went away, leaving a very disgruntled and embarrassed Zack Hiller behind on his doorstep.
Mr. James, the old gossip that he was, spread the word that Zack had created a new term--"Bah humbug"--to use when one was being annoyed by a bug or an insect, that continuously made humming noises. Poor Zack listened as his term began to be used, first as a joke and a way to poke fun at Zack, and then, to everyone's surprise, but especially Zack's, it caught on and was used in all seriousness by folks who heard the insistent humming and buzzing of a 'humbug'. As for the name, 'humbug', it was used for any bug or insect that was being annoying in any way.
If one heard,
"Hmmmmmmmmm-buzzzzzzzzzzzz...",
they would immediately say, "Bah, humbug!"

THE END

The Alternate Origin of the Term "Bah Humbug". Copyright 2012, by Katy Allie. All rights reserved.